How to Invite Great Women into Your Life

Published: at 09:51 AM

Introduction

Image of man and woman

This article is inspired by Dr. Robert Glover’s, “Dating Essentials for Men” (DEFM). In DEFM, Glover explains that in order to attract and create a healthy, satisfying relationship, we have to know what we want. Knowing what we want is the first step in creating the life we want and inviting really great women into that life.

So the first step is gaining clarity; Dr. Glover suggests that we make two lists. The first should outline five or more things that we are looking for in a partner. Think trustworthy, honest, reliable, great sense of humour, etc. These are non-negotiables.

Glover then invites us to create a second list of things that we do not want in a partner. These may include traits such as dishonesty, addictions, an inability to remain faithful, etc.

It’s okay if these two lists are mirror opposites of each other, this will just help us gain more clarity.

The concept of a great woman, or a really great woman comes into play after you have your two lists.

A really great woman is a woman who meets all of the traits listed on your positive list and has none of the traits on your negative list.

A good woman would be a woman who maybe has three out of five of the traits you’re looking for. This is an indicator that while she may be a good woman, she’s not the woman for you. You should let her go. Glover states that you will meet and separate from a lot of good woman. This is normal, especially if you’re living at your edge and putting yourself out there. Don’t let this bother you.

Okay, so without further ado, here are 5 tips to help you invite great women into your life.

Create Space

Ocean wave hitting the shore on a beach

If you want to invite a great woman or great women into your life, you have to have to create space for these women.

Space in this context can mean literal physical space, i.e. you need to have your own place. But space can also mean emotional space.

If you are involved with a woman who is not exactly what you’re looking for but you’re keeping her around out of convenience or laziness, then you’re not opening up space for a really great woman to step into your life.

Learn to let go and trust.

Break bad habits

Person smoking cigarette

If you’re dopamine addicted, feeling lethargic and shameful, you won’t have the energy, drive, or desire to engage with the great women that surround you.

Energy is a scare resource. Motivation is also a scare resource. Dopamine is a chemical that helps motivate us. It’s the anticipation feeling. Scrolling social media, eating sugary junk food, and watching “pron” give us cheap dopamine hits. If our brain thinks we already bedded several women, have high status within the tribe, and that we’re well fed, well then what motivation is it going to have to go out there and conquer?

You’ve got to break these habits. Mindfulness meditation and yoga can help. These things are wired into our nervous system. We have to retrain ourselves, and change who we are, how we behave, and how we show up in the world, both physically and emotionally.

The following books can really help:

If you’re often feeling shameful, down, depressed, or any other negative emotion, you may be spending your energy just trying to feel better. It’s not wonder that you have no “mojo” or no energy left over to put yourself out there.

Once your dopamine addictions are healed and the shame is lifted, you will find that you have an abundance of energy - energy that you can use to improve yourself, pursue meaningful passions, and interact with people, including great women.

Let go of good women

As mentioned at the beginning of this article, we can classify the women we meet as good, great, or wrong women for you. Think of this as a fit, it is nothing against the women personally.

Remember, a good woman is not a great woman. Oftentimes we men will settle because she’s “okay.” It’s easy, the sex is convenient, she doesn’t expect much. But deep down, there’s a nagging feeling that we know she’s not the one. Now, I’m not saying perfect women exist, because they don’t; but what I am saying is that usually we know when a woman is a good fit for us or not, and we choose to ignore this a lot of times out of convenience, laziness, or a fear of hurting the feelings of the woman we are involved with.

You’ve got to be okay with being seen as a jerk. Remember, she’ll get over the breakup a lot faster than you. She’ll probably find another guy faster than you’ll find another gal. Allow her to project the “asshole” vibe onto you if necessary. As long as you’re moving forward with integrity and honesty, breaking up can actually be a loving act.

Here are some scenarios I’ve encountered where the woman was a good woman, but she wasn’t my really great woman:

You can see that there is some crossover between these points. I’ve personally struggled with this issue but I’ve learned that you need both. You need the emotional and physical connection. I want to look at my woman and think wow, she’s beautiful - I also want to feel that we have a connection and that I can relax into her.

Be Great Yourself

We attract what we are. If you want to attract really great women, you have to be a really great man.

If you are out of shape, broke, living at your parent’s house, how do you expect a great woman to find you attractive?

She won’t. You have to work on yourself. You have build the life and create the lifestyle that you want.

Becoming a great man is a package. You need to have everything in order. If you have a great career but you’re fat and sloppy, then you’re not living up to your highest potential. Similarly if you’re shredded and diced but have no job. You have to have it all.

Begin by:

Acquiring a skill set

Programming, marketing, product management, a trade - it doesn’t really matter what skill you choose to pursue; you just have to choose something.

All men should be on the path to mastery. Mastering a skill set gives you power. Power gives you access to resources and opportunities. All of this will make you more attractive.

Bodybuilding

Bodybuilding here doesn’t mean you need to be stage-ready for the Olympia. No. But you should be in shape. You should have a decent degree of muscle mass. You should have good cardiovascular health and stamina.

Fit people tend to gravitate towards fit people; loud people towards loud people, etc.

Being fit, strong, and healthy will make you feel good. Feeling good will increase your confidence. Increasing your confidence will make you more attractive.

Be well read

No one likes a dummy. I’ve heard from several women that they may initially find a guy attractive but then he opens his mouth and kills everything.

Either he presents as a beta nerd or he’s a dumb jock. You don’t want to be either.

Being well read will enhance your vocabulary which will make you more articulate.

You will have more topics to talk about. You will be more interesting.

Be passionate

Passion is contagious. When you’re passionate about something, you’re excited. You have things going on in your life. These things are more important to you than any relationship - they bring you fulfilment.

Try to do everything with passion. Cook with passion. Fuck with passion. Lift with passion.

It’s inspiring. Women will notice.

Expose yourself to challenge and conflict

Lastly, embrace challenge and conflict.

As a high-achieving man, you should welcome challenge. You should actually seek it out. This is what ambitious men do.

Setting goals and attaining them will increase your confidence.

Competition increases testosterone.

Some areas where you can compete:

Conclusion

Men, don’t settle. You should be keeping a list of things you want in a woman and things you absolutely won’t accept.

This will help you gain clarity and distinguish between good women, great women, and wrong women (for you).

Create space in your life. Let go of old limiting beliefs, bad habits, and people who don’t fit your life.

Be honest. Operate with integrity. And have faith.

What is yours will find it’s way to you but you have to put yourself out there.

Namaste 🙏

Joshua Jones
Grappling Philosopher